Life Drills On...

    In Conclusion with this book, two things Lewis said about life and grief will be stuck in my mind forever. Lewis says,"It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in you lap.  The drill drills on." That is such a good example we can relate to.  No one likes to go to the dentist and get their teeth drilled on. That fear of pain and the anticipation causes people to grasp that chair tightly as if it will alleviate the pain or keep the dentist from drilling.  The fear and pain of grief causes people to cling to certain things to make the sadness go away, but the pains of grief can continue as you live day by day. He also says, "I once read the sentence 'I lay awake all night with a toothache, thinking about the toothache and about lying awake.' That's true to life. Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief."  He points out that our minds continually remind ourselves what present situation we are in and torments us day to day that things will not change. If you think of yourself a certain way and believe it, you eventually will be like that unless you change your mindset. For example, if you continually say you're sick and dwell on it, then studies have shown that you will get sick. The mind is a powerful thing and if you're not careful, you can talk yourself into believing anything. 
      In Lewis' book, A Grief Observed, he provides examples to compare his grief to. Because he does this, the book is easy to read and  understand.  

The Pains Of Grief Are Universal

   Life is something we all are experiencing, but death is the devastating and unknown process that everyone will eventually go through.  Life is full of questions, but so is death. Whether you believe in an afterlife or not, the thought of dying one day stirs an anxious feeling in our stomachs.  Even though God created us in His image, we are all still different with different personalities, but two things are certain about the human race: we cannot escape death and the pain of grief is universal.
   As I reached the end of A Grief Observed, Lewis has come to the realization that death is a process in life and God will be there for you through the grieving process. The last paragraph of the book starts out by saying "How wicked it would be, if we could, to call the dead back! She said not to me but to the chaplain, 'I am at peace with God'. She smiled, but not at me. Poi si torno all' eterna fontana."  The book ends with a quote from Dante's Paradise, which was written hundreds of years ago, that says 'Poi si torno all' eterna fontana.'  This quote translated means "Then she turned back to the eternal fountain".  In Dante's book, Paradise, he describes Beatrice looking at him for the last time in paradise and said " So I prayed, and as distant as she was, she smiled and gazed at me. Then she turned back to the eternal fountain."  Beatrice finally and forever turned away from the poet, whom she was guided to heaven toward the glory of God.  This paragraph seems to be C.S. Lewis' way of confessing his faith in the fact that there, in the presence of God, his wife, whose departure in death has been such a resolution to him, is now lost in the rapture of God.
   This book is truly life changing and relevant to anyone, no matter your religion, who is grieving over a loved one.  Madeleine L'Engle wrote the Forward to this book and said that this book "Gives us permission to admit our own doubts, or own angers and anguishes, and to know that they are a part of the soul's growth."  In the end, Lewis doesn't alleviate his grief, but he is more at peace with God.  This book is so remarkable because it allows the reader relate their pains associated with grief to Lewis' pains from grief.  If you are debating on reading this book because you assume his devotion to God would influence his way of overcoming grief the "christian way" and would not be relevant to the way you might feel,don't put the book down because you might be surprised.

When God Seems Silent During Hard Times

In the last Chapters of A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis talks more about God than he does the suffering of his wife's death and his pain without her.  The reader gets to see Lewis questioning God and basically asking God to put himself in his shoes and see how you would feel.  Lewis asks God, " Lord,are these your real terms? Can I meet H. again only if I learn to love you so much that I don't care whether I meet her or not? Consider, Lord, how it looks to us.  What would anyone think of me if I said to the boys, 'No toffee now. But when you've grown up and don't really want toffee you shall have as much of it as you choose'?" I think we try to bargain with God and tell God to "step" in our shoes but God actually already knows how we feel.  I think anyone questioning God like can relate and feel like God isn't fair.  Also, Lewis, like many Christians and people seeking God, ask questions to God about why he won't answer our prayers.  He does seem at times silent when we think we most need Him, but he really never left us, but is only not telling us because He knows what's best.  It's so easy to think like this and I have done it so many times when I want answers. God isn't a genie who is supposed to grant us our wishes and what we want, but He is our creator and knows our needs at the time.  For example, Lewis realizes this by saying, "When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of 'no answer'. It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, 'Peace, child; you don't understand'.  He is basically saying that when you are going through a tough time and need God's answers, He hasn't shut the door on you and given up on you or doesn't care about what you're going through.  God is merely just waiting there with you patiently being silent because He knows the outcome of your situation and for us to be patient and have peace that God will take care of our worries.  These few passages provide great details to what kind of God He is to his people.  These several paragraphs could definately help someone in either doubt of God, or someone who can't figure out why God "isn't there".  This shows that we don't need to know all of life's answers, but to just trust that God will handle our problems and be there for us.  I really enjoyed this chapter because it provides so much clarity to God and how great He really is to us.